Ninth Month since Bobby's Homegoing - September 16, 2008

September 16, 2008
 

My Dear Sweet Robert,

Yesterday I faced the day that would have been our eighth anniversary. And now today, I face a new day that is also significant as it represents exactly nine months ago since we lost your earthly presence among those of us who loved you so very much.

Nine months is three quarters of a year. Wow! It seems impossible that much time has gone by. I glance over at my Dad's recliner, which quickly became your favorite chair, after Dad passed away. I can close my eyes, for a moment, and I can almost "see" or at least visualize, what each of you looked like when you were sitting in it. It is a bittersweet memory, as it reminds me that I have lost both of my favorite men. You each made my life more complete and more blessed by being there for me.

I will have to be certain to thank God for allowing me the privilege of being not only George Beitel's daughter but also, to be the wife of Robert Ray Sr..

I am smiling, as I just remembered how I used to introduce myself to some of your friends. You would say,"This is Kim, my new wife." I recall jumping right in with the following line "And, I am going to be his last wife!" And I was.

Please Always Know That You Were Loved, And Will Never Be Forgotten.

Love,
Kim
Phil 4:13

"When God Made You" by Newsong & Natalie Grant

First Anniversary after Bobby's Homegoing - September 15, 2008

September 16, 2008

My Dear Sweet Robert,

On this day, eight years ago, on September 15, 2000, you and I exchanged our wedding vows and became husband and wife. It is a day I will never forget and a day I will cherish forever in my memory.

When I awoke, I missed you the very first thing this morning. Then, I missed you in the afternoon and I know when I lay my head down on my pillow later tonight, I will surely miss you even more.

How I wish you could have been here to share this day with me. I know it was meant to be day of joy and celebrating the love we shared. But, it just doesn’t feel right to have an anniversary without you. I am really struggling with that. I was recently reminded that when most people exchange wedding vows, they usually remember the part, “for better or worse, in sickness and in health”… but don’t seem to remember the last part of the vow…”until death us do part.” That is the hard part.

I made a decision to take this special day and dedicate it to you and the precious remembrances of our years together. Although my sadness is deep and profound, I chose not to allow this to be a sad day (other than, of course, the sadness that you aren’t physically here.) I was helped immensely with the support of many of our family. They helped me so much get through a difficult day.

You would have been proud of me. This morning I had the opportunity to attend a political rally for John McCain. I got up at 4:00 AM and Sherri and I headed off downtown to be among the first in line to get through the Secret Service security and into the Veterans Memorial Arena to meet and hear from him. What an exciting morning we had.

Many dignitaries were there. I was most excited to see my good old “Favorite Governor”, Jeb Bush, was there. I actually got his autograph, on my John McCain poster. (It is now proudly displayed in the front window of our home And I wonder how long it will be before the Homeowner’s Association will notice.) And then I got an awesome photo of John McCain and Cindy McCain in my camera phone. While I was taking the pictures, Sherri got to shake hands with both John and Cindy McCain. She was so excited. And I know you would have been thrilled to hear Jacksonville’s own American Idol finalist, Phil Stacey, sang the Star Spangled Banner. He did an awesome job.

Mid-morning Sylvia, Cecelia and I went to St. Augustine. We sat on the grassy knoll beside the Old Fort, under the trees, in the exact spot where we had our wedding. We shared, laughed and cried some tears as we each remembered you. We read out loud, many cards that you had given to me through the years and then we read lots of cards that other family had given to you through the years. I looked at and read each wedding card that was given to us. What sweet memories came to my mind.

Then I read out loud, the vows that I had written to say to you during our wedding ceremony. Doing that brought a flood of memories rushing back to me. I asked Cecelia to read a story that Hospice had given to me. She read a beautiful story about water bugs and dragonflies and what happens when their bodies change from an ugly water bug to a beautiful dragonfly. She did a great job reading it. You would have been proud of her. As you know, today is also her birthday and she is growing into a beautiful young lady who is now eleven years old. She really misses Papa. We all do.

Tonight, I invited your brothers and sisters to join me for a Mexican dinner at your favorite restaurant, La Napalero. George, Corrine, Mary, Chuck, Becca, and Erika came and graciously shared in my anniversary dinner celebration. I am so glad they came. They all help me so much. I am so blessed that they are keeping me in their family. I wonder, if I’ve let them know how very much they really means to me. I promise you that I will make a point to do that this week.

My love, I am now reaching the end of the evening and I don’t think I can fulfill a goal that I set for myself. I have been preparing mentally for months, to take off my wedding rings, on this our Anniversary Day. But, it seems I find I am not prepared as emotionally to do it and, so for now, I won’t. The rings will stay right where they are on my left hand. I wear your gold band behind my beautiful diamond wedding ring. I know I feel a special comfort when I look at them on my hand. And I guess I realize that my emotions are still too raw to handle removing something so beautiful that you gave me, which has such meaning to me.

Happy Anniversary, to you, my love. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the love you gave me, and for all the moments you made me feel special and so loved. I treasure that more than you could possibly know.


Please Know That You Were Always Loved And Never Will Be Forgotten,

Love,
Kim
Phil 4:13