Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
My Eulogy, December 22, 2007
Each of our lives can be divided into chapters, like in a book. By that I mean there is a beginning and an end, with many chapters in between. Some lives have lots of chapters and some have only a few. We may wonder why God allows so many to one and so few to another. We just do not know the answer. As you read through a book and you move from chapter to chapter, the story becomes clearer and more focused, until when you reach that final page, you realize you now know the whole story. We now know how Bobby’s book ends.
In Bobby’s life most of the chapters were very good, but sadly, a few were not so good. But through them all a single thread was woven that showed his zest and his love for life. He had a unique personality and was definitely a one of a kind. In other words, when God created him, he made sure the mold broke. There will never be another Robert Nelson Ray Sr.
As I look out on all of you, his family, friends, co-workers, & neighbors, I want to thank each of you for him and from me, for choosing to be here today to celebrate his life and honor his memory. It means so very much to me.
Many of you in this room have known Bobby through all the chapters of his life. Some of you worked with him, some of you are his neighbors, and some of you are simply his friend or my friend. I was deeply touched at the way our next door neighbor, Nancy, described him, that night when I told her he had passed away. She got tears in her eyes, held me to comfort me and then said, “He’s my buddy”. She was very protective of him and I thank her dearly for watching out for him so many times when I was at work. And the Lord knows, sometimes he took a lot of looking after!
For me, I was privileged to know him and be his wife for the last seven years of his life. And while I may wish I could have shared many, many more years with him that was not to be. Robert spent the last six days of his life in an ICU room at St. Vincent’s hospital. I too, spent the last six days of his life there, right beside him or in the ICU family waiting room. During those difficult days, as family members came and went, a couple of his wonderful sisters stayed with me all through the nights, except the one night, Mary asked it was all right for her to leave for the night. She said she was real tired and really needed to sleep and that my snoring kept her awake.
She wasn’t telling me something I had never heard before! I told her to go home.
.
Bobby has five brothers and sisters. Siblings may grow up together in a home and be very close to each other when they are young, but as adults, leading separate lives, they often times grow apart; sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally. Mary heard bit & pieces of stories about her brother during those long nights at the hospital. She asked me to speak here today and share a little about our lives together. I wasn’t sure I could, but I took a moment & closed my eyes and pictured what it might feel like to stand here today & have Jesus holding one hand and God holding the other. And so, with Them holding me up, how can I not have the strength to do this?
First, I want his son Robert Jr. & daughter, Sylvia to know how very proud their Dad was of each of them. He spoke often of that. He believed that both of you have, in his words, “turned out pretty good in spite of having him as their Dad.” He was proud to be their father.
One of his greatest joys was being a grandfather to 13 precious children, 8 granddaughters and 5 grandsons. He was “Papa” to some and “Grandpa Robert” to others. No day was ever as good for him as a day when he got to spend time with one or more of them. He enjoyed doing silly things and making them laugh. He liked to play with them and make them feel special. In recent years, some of our families have moved away, making spending time together a challenge, but even with the distance, he always held each one of you in a special place in his heart and he loved each of you very much. I know you will miss your Papa & Grandpa Robert very much. I will too. It is okay to talk about him. Always know, you can talk to your Mom or Dad or me about him anytime.
In our neighborhood, the kids knew & loved “Mr. Robert”. He always had a new movie to give them or was asking what movie they wanted next. They enjoyed helping him work in the yard & do little chores for him that they probably wouldn’t do at their own home for their own parents. Children can be that way you know. I heard a knock on the door the other afternoon. Allison, one of our sweet neighbor girls brought me this paper and asked me “to please take it to where Mr. Robert is.” Well, Sweetie, I can’t quite do that. But I can read it and cherish it and believe with all my heart that he knows what you wrote and I know he was proud to be your friend, Allison.
Stop & read letter
Robert always worked long hours and days, so we never really got to take regular vacations. But we took lots of mini-vacations at the Disney Resorts. Most times we went to Orlando, but sometimes we went to Hilton Head or Vero Beach. On one trip to Vero Beach, we pulled our boat along and were enjoying some good fishing. He loved to fish. Never having fished until I married Robert, he had a lot to teach me. I recall him being more excited when I caught one than when he caught a fish. On this fishing adventure, I can recall I had hooked a pretty good size fish, but he was trying hard to get away. Wanting me to get the fish, Bobby guided the boat following the fish and the fish line. All of a sudden, he started yelling “Oh my gosh” I looked to one side of the boat and saw a large yacht headed our way. I looked to the other side and saw 2 other yachts headed our way. They all had horns a blasting. In the exuberance of following my big fish, he had guided our 16 ft aluminum boat right into the middle of the channel. Needless to say, he very quickly got us out of danger. He later told me he was really afraid I was going to get dumped off the front of the boat. And yes, I did lose the fish.
Bobby was such a romantic, like the year he gave me a little Hallmark Teddy Bear for Valentine’s Day. I thanked him and said how cute the bear was. He kept urging me to look closer until finally I noticed the bear was wearing diamond earrings, one on each ear. I’m not sure, but I think he might have borrowed that idea from his brother Andy. If so, thanks Andy. He had lots of fun doing that.
On another occasion, I was trying to be the romantic one. Some of you know this story, and I know I will never live it down. We were in Orlando & Robert had gone to the gift store and purchased a little Mickey Mouse memento for me. While he was gone, I filled the jaccuzzi with bubbles, and lit tea light candles all around and waited anxiously for him to return. He walked in the room, I leaned my head back slightly. He looked carefully at me, the bubbles, and the candles and said every so gently, “Kim, your hair is on fire” So much for that romantic moment…
Once he sent me flowers for no special reason except he wanted to tell me he loved me. Regular old flowers from a regular old florist wouldn’t do for him on that day. He chose to send me two dozen roses cut fresh and shipped the same day from South America. Each rose was encased with lacey netting to protect the delicate petals. After you got the net off, then you carefully peeled back each outside petal to reveal the beautiful, fragrant rose within. I’m quite certain that it probably took me a good hour (while working) to open each rose and arrange it in the vase. I laughed & called it “ My Interactive Flower Gift”
But, the best gift he gave me was himself. I recall our very first meeting. He was a salesman at Office Max. I needed help finding something and he was busy helping someone else. When he finally came over and asked me if he could help me, I answered, “I’ve been waiting quite a while for you to be free.” He answered, “I’ve been free for about 3 ½ years.” And here we are today.
Robert showed me how to love again. He also taught me a great deal about compromising and meeting in the middle on lots of issues. We were a lot like the “Odd Couple” for those of you old enough to remember the show. I was “Felix” and he was “Oscar”. Last year we discovered the TV show “Monk”. He recorded all the episodes for us to watch. We had many good laughs as he came to realize that Mr. Monk & I share a lot of similarities. He loved the show, because he said it helped him understand me and why I am the way I am about so many things!
He couldn’t get over the fact that I could tell him ahead of it happening, exactly what Mr. Monk was going to do. And then when it would happen, he would say “That’s what you said he would do” “How did you know?” I would proceed to explain in great detail why Mr. Monk had done it. He would just shake his head.
Speaking of my using great detail to explain most anything, Robert would often times say to me “Kim, just give me the Reader’s Digest version. I don’t need the whole story!” I would get the hint and shorten my story.
Robert loved politics. He loved his country and was truly concerned about its direction. He loved talk radio and we would watch Fox News every night. Never known as a shy guy, if we were eating out & there were TV tuned to CNN, he would politely complain to a manager and they always ended up changing it to Fox News. I think they thought it was easier to give in to him than listen to him explain why CNN was so bad for a conservative, southern city. He loved to spar with anyone who was of the opposite political party. Sometimes I would just close my eyes and think, “He didn’t just say what I thought I heard, did he? He was looking forward to being involved with the upcoming presidential election. I will carry that on for him. During the last presidential election, he got a kick out of locating cars with John Kerry bumper stickers. He would casually walk slowly by, and slap a George Bush sticker over it. He thought it was hilarious and said he’d like to see their faces when they realized they had been driving all around town advertising for the opposite candidate.
I am quite proud of turning him into a country music lover. I remember the first time I made him take me to a country concert, He said, “I can’t believe you got me to go to a country concert.” He actually enjoyed it and seemed a little remorseful that he was one of only a few, without a country hat on. I promised him, I would make sure the next time we went, he would be dressed appropriately. I got him boots, buckle, shirt & hat, “the whole country package”. One of his favorite concerts was a few years ago. We went to see Vince Gill & Amy Grant’s Christmas concert. It really put him in the Christmas spirit that year. I will cherish the memory of that night.
When he discovered I was quite movie deprived, he set out on a mission to get me to watch every movie I think he ever saw. I literally have hundreds of movies to watch, now, but without him by my side, but always with him in my heart. I will miss the way he loved to take my hand and lead me in a dance as the final song played during the movie credits. He was quite a good dancer and I could never keep up with him.
As this final chapter of Robert’s life has been written and come to its end, I find great comfort in knowing that Jesus was his Savior and He had a place already prepared for him in heaven. When it comes down to the one thing that really matters for all eternity, it is that when your time comes, you are sure your name is written in the Lamb’s Book of Life.
"Funeral Bells"
As I was going over the service plans with Pastor Sam, I asked him if he would mind doing something a little out of the ordinary. I then asked him if he would tell a joke. His face looked oddly back at me. I don’t think he knew what to say. I told him it wasn’t just any joke. It was actually a joke that Bobby, himself, had found only a few months previous. He saw it when he was looking for things to use at my Dad’s funeral. We both got a belly laugh out of this joke. I gave Pastor Sam a copy of the joke and asked him to just consider it. I wanted it spoken, just prior to when I was going to do my eulogy. It was a little selfish of me. In my mind, I envisioned people smiling and laughing, just as I was stepping up to give the most difficult speech of my like. I thought it might help calm me down, so I could speak the words on my heart. Pastor Sam called me later that night and laughingly said, “Yes”. He would read it. This truly would have brought a smile to Bobby’s face.
“FUNERAL BELLS”
A MINISTER WELL KNOWN FOR HIS BEAUTIFUL SINGING VOICE CAME HOME VISIBLY UPSET AFTER CONSULTING WITH A NEW WIDOW ABOUT FUNERAL PLANS FOR HER RECENTLY DECEASED HUSBAND. HIS WIFE ASKED HIM WHAT WAS WRONG, AND HE REVEALED THAT THE WIFE HAD ASKED HIM TO SING HER HUSBAND’S FAVORITE SONG, “JINGLE BELLS”, AT THE FUNERAL.
HE WAS TROUBLED THAT IT WASN’T APPROPRIATE TO THE SOLOMN OCCASION.
HE STRUGGLED AND PRAYED ABOUT IT, AND FINALLY DECIDED TO HONOR THE GRIEVING WIDOW’S WISHES.
AT THE FUNERAL, STILL SENSITIVE ABOUT HOW SOME OF THE MOURNERS MIGHT REACT TO HEARING “JINGLE BELLS” AT THE FUNERAL, HE CAREFULLY INTRODUCED THE SONG WITH WORDS ABOUT APPRECIATING THE SENSE OF HUMOR AND LIGHTHEARTEDNESS OF THE DECEASED.
THE WIDOW HAD BEEN VERY TEARFUL DURING THE SERVICE. HEARING THE INTRODUCTION TO HER LATE HUSBAND’S “FAVORITE SONG” SHE SAT UP AND BEGAN TO APPEAR QUITE INTERESTED. AS THE PREACHER BEGAN THE SONG, THE WIDOW BEGAN TO SMILE, AND HER TEARS DRIED UP.
SHE WAS ACTUALLY GIGGLING AS HE CONCLUDED, AND HE FELT GLAD HE’D DECIDED TO HONOR HER REQUEST SINCE IT OBVIOUSLY HAD BEEN SO COMFORTING.
AFTER THE SERVICE SHE THANKED THE PASTOR FOR SHARING HIS MUSIC MINISTRY, AND WITH A “BIG GRIN” SHE ADDED, “BY THE WAY…THE FAVORITE SONG I REQUESTED WAS “WHEN THEY RING THOSE GOLDEN BELLS”.
Inside of Memorial Flyer for Bobby's Celebration of Life Service
The Lord is my shepherd.; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures.
He leadeth me beside still waters.
He restoreth my soul;
He leadeth me in the paths of rightousness
For His name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley
Of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For thou art with me;
Thy rod and thou staff they comfort me;
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
Thou anointest my head with oil;
My cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Psalm 23
“For we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world” (1 Timothy 6:7).
Knowing the above scripture to be true, Robert’s wishes of organ donation were honored and he has left many gifts behind in this world to impact the lives of others in need.
Robert Nelson Ray, Sr.
August 22, 1954 – December 16, 2007
Celebration of Life Memorial Service
Instrumental Music…………………………..….Robert’s Favorites
“I Can Only Imagine” Memory Tribute…….Thomas Sharron
Opening Prayer……………………………………..Pastor Sam Jewell
Our Life Story…………………………………..…..Kim Ray
“Jesus Will Still Be There”……………………..…Sherri Sharron
Words of Comfort………….……………….………..Pastor Sam Jewell
Memories Through A Daughter’s Eyes….......Sylvia Nguyen
Memories Through A Son’s Eyes….…………...Robert Ray Jr.
Reading of Scripture – I John 2:1-2…………….Jahnette Giana
“If Heaven” Memory Tribute………………..….Thomas Sharron
Benediction……………………………...……………Pastor Sam Jewell
We pray you were comforted by the instrumental music playing as you entered to share in the celebration of Robert’s life. He made this CD himself and often played it for his own comfort. It is with the Lord’s guidance that the CD was found and we feel that he left it behind for this very moment. We hope it brings each of you comfort as we begin in his life’s celebration.
In Touch Readings Used While Bobby Was in ICU
The following devotionals were read to Bobby, while he was in ICU. Dr. Charles Stanley was one of his favorite pastors. I knew in my heart that he needed to hear these words again, as he was approaching the end. I read these pages over and over to him throughout his last days. Various persons were in and out of the room, as I read. My prayer is that these words may have touched someone the heart of someone else, also. Bobby would have especially liked that.
In Touch, Dr. Charles Stanley
December 3, 2007 -- A Relationship With God -- 1 John 4:7-10
Intimate relationships are characterized by a close connection to another person and a commitment to his or her well-being. In other words, acquaintances have superficial information about us, but true friends know our deeper emotions, thoughts, and desires.
God, who is perfect and holy, has always desired such a personal relationship with man, but human sinfulness made that seem impossible. For one thing, we all have rebelled against God's authority and deserve the death penalty (Romans 3:23; 6:23). But more than that, we were born with a corrupt nature inherited from Adam (Psalm 51:5), and neither good works nor moral values can overcome it.
God alone could remedy the situation. His solution is to change our nature so we can be in His family. Nonetheless, divine justice must still be satisfied, and only a perfect sacrifice can pay for our sins (Deuteronomy 17:1). God requires the death of someone without a sin nature as payment for our debt. Throughout history, just one qualified: Jesus, the perfect God-man, who gave His life (Hebrews 4:15) so we could have a relationship with the Father. Our friendship with God came at a very high price to Him--the death of His beloved Son.
The Father has done everything necessary for us to be in His family and experience intimacy with Him. Have you entered into a relationship with Him through the saving work of His Son? If not, make today your spiritual birthday by receiving Jesus Christ as your personal Savior. This Christmas season, discover the gifts of freedom, satisfaction, and joy found only in Him
Following are the scriptures referred to in this devotional:
December 4, 2007 -- Intimacy With God -- John 15:12-15 Sometimes God seems far away from us. In those moments, we may wonder how personally involved in our lives He actually is. At such times, we should rely on what the Lord Himself has said in Scripture.
Psalm 139:13-17 says that the Lord knit us together in the womb and loves us unconditionally. We also know He plans to prosper us spiritually (Philippians 1:6). These truths confirm that He knows us intimately.
Jesus' life further testifies to the divine desire for intimacy. He consistently reached out to strangers, inviting them to draw near to Him. He spoke words of encouragement to His disciples and other followers, teaching them the profound truths He'd received from His Father (John 7:16) and holding them accountable for their actions. He invited certain ones to accompany Him for deeply personal experiences, such as the transfiguration and His last prayer retreat to Gethsemane (Mark 9:2; Matthew 26:36-37). These are all indications of real friendship.
Jesus' final act--dying on the cross--made it possible for us to join His "inner circle" as a part of God's family. The Holy Spirit, each believer's indwelling companion and guide, also witnesses to God's closeness and detailed knowledge of those who are His.
God has made intimacy with Him possible, but we often hold back. Distracted by earthly concerns, we put limits on His involvement in our lives and set family and friends as a higher priority. Let's commit to placing the Lord first and pursuing Him with our whole heart (Mark 12:30).
Following are the scripture references from this devotional:
In Touch, Dr. Charles Stanley
December 3, 2007 -- A Relationship With God -- 1 John 4:7-10
Intimate relationships are characterized by a close connection to another person and a commitment to his or her well-being. In other words, acquaintances have superficial information about us, but true friends know our deeper emotions, thoughts, and desires.
God, who is perfect and holy, has always desired such a personal relationship with man, but human sinfulness made that seem impossible. For one thing, we all have rebelled against God's authority and deserve the death penalty (Romans 3:23; 6:23). But more than that, we were born with a corrupt nature inherited from Adam (Psalm 51:5), and neither good works nor moral values can overcome it.
God alone could remedy the situation. His solution is to change our nature so we can be in His family. Nonetheless, divine justice must still be satisfied, and only a perfect sacrifice can pay for our sins (Deuteronomy 17:1). God requires the death of someone without a sin nature as payment for our debt. Throughout history, just one qualified: Jesus, the perfect God-man, who gave His life (Hebrews 4:15) so we could have a relationship with the Father. Our friendship with God came at a very high price to Him--the death of His beloved Son.
The Father has done everything necessary for us to be in His family and experience intimacy with Him. Have you entered into a relationship with Him through the saving work of His Son? If not, make today your spiritual birthday by receiving Jesus Christ as your personal Savior. This Christmas season, discover the gifts of freedom, satisfaction, and joy found only in Him
Following are the scriptures referred to in this devotional:
1 John 4 Read This Chapter |
4:7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. |
4:8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. |
4:9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. |
4:10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. |
Romans 3 Read This Chapter |
3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, |
Romans 6 Read This Chapter |
6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. |
Deuteronomy 17 Read This Chapter |
17:1 Do not sacrifice to the Lord your God an ox or a sheep that has any defect or flaw in it, for that would be detestable to him. |
Hebrews 4 Read This Chapter |
4:15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--yet was without sin. |
December 4, 2007 -- Intimacy With God -- John 15:12-15 Sometimes God seems far away from us. In those moments, we may wonder how personally involved in our lives He actually is. At such times, we should rely on what the Lord Himself has said in Scripture.
Psalm 139:13-17 says that the Lord knit us together in the womb and loves us unconditionally. We also know He plans to prosper us spiritually (Philippians 1:6). These truths confirm that He knows us intimately.
Jesus' life further testifies to the divine desire for intimacy. He consistently reached out to strangers, inviting them to draw near to Him. He spoke words of encouragement to His disciples and other followers, teaching them the profound truths He'd received from His Father (John 7:16) and holding them accountable for their actions. He invited certain ones to accompany Him for deeply personal experiences, such as the transfiguration and His last prayer retreat to Gethsemane (Mark 9:2; Matthew 26:36-37). These are all indications of real friendship.
Jesus' final act--dying on the cross--made it possible for us to join His "inner circle" as a part of God's family. The Holy Spirit, each believer's indwelling companion and guide, also witnesses to God's closeness and detailed knowledge of those who are His.
God has made intimacy with Him possible, but we often hold back. Distracted by earthly concerns, we put limits on His involvement in our lives and set family and friends as a higher priority. Let's commit to placing the Lord first and pursuing Him with our whole heart (Mark 12:30).
Following are the scripture references from this devotional:
John 15 Read This Chapter |
15:12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. |
15:13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. |
15:14 You are my friends if you do what I command. |
15:15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. |
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Psalms 139 Read This Chapter |
139:13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. |
139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. |
139:15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, |
139:16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. |
139:17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! |
New International Version |
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Philippians 1 Read This Chapter |
1:6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. |
Philippians 1 Read This Chapter |
1:6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. |
Mark 9 Read This Chapter |
9:2 After six days Jesus took Peter, James and John with him and led them up a high mountain, where they were all alone. There he was transfigured before them. |
Matthew 26 Read This Chapter | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
26:36 Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, "Sit here while I go over there and pray." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
26:37 He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled.
December 6, 2007 -- Receiving Answers to Our Prayers -- John 16:23-24 In response to our prayers, the Lord uses His power to penetrate closed minds and hard hearts. In that way, He brings people to salvation and transforms unrighteous lives.We all want our petitions fulfilled, so it is important to understand God's conditions for answered prayer. Besides having a relationship with Him (John 3:3) and confessing all known sin, we must have faith that His Word is true and His promises reliable. The Bible, which was divinely written by God through man, is without error. In this amazing book, the Lord reveals His nature--holy, sovereign, and perfect--and presents His plan of salvation (Romans 10:9). Because God's promises are based on His perfect character, we can be certain He will do what He says; otherwise He would not be God. And Jesus' promises can be trusted because He always spoke the Father's words (John 12:49). Another condition is that we ask according to the Lord's purposes. We're to pray for things that are in keeping with His divine plan and character. God wants us to discern His will, to pray that it would be carried out, and to do our part in fulfilling it (Matthew 6:9-10). The Holy Spirit will help us know what to pray. And as we consider which petitions to make, we should ask ourselves, Is my request based on God's Word? How will an answer to this prayer bring me or someone else closer to Him? It takes an investment of time to meet the Lord's requirements for prayer. But in response, He will provide answers beyond anything we could ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). Following are the scriptures referred to in this devotional:
Am I really saved if I sin? Many new believers wonder this as they start to learn about their faith. But even longtime Christians may question whether their salvation is secure--unless they correctly understand their relationship with the Lord. Two things happen when someone receives Christ. First, Jesus' sacrifice on the cross pays that person's sin-debt in full--past, present, and future wrongdoing is forgiven and removed. Since sin was the barrier separating mankind from holy God, the new believer is now welcome in His presence. Second, the Father does away with the person's original, rebellious nature and sends His Holy Spirit to indwell and guide the new Christian. By trusting in Jesus, we each become a new creature (2 Corinthians 5:17). Yet, since the body and mind don't change automatically, self-serving habits developed before salvation can remain ingrained and tempting. Though we may sometimes give in, we aren't suddenly unsaved because we sinned. Once God's grace is bestowed, it can't be removed-- salvation cannot be lost, nor can the Spirit's power be revoked. Our relationship with God remains intact, though it does need repair in the form of confession and repentance. Being saved is not about keeping a perfect record of behavior. If we could do that, we wouldn't need the Father's grace. He knows we are human and prone to making selfish choices contrary to His will. When we do, Jesus Christ acts as our Advocate, because His sacrifice is what makes possible our relationship with the Father. Following are the scriptures referred to in this devotional:
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Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Obituary
Robert Nelson Ray Sr, 53, a member of Crown Point Baptist Church in Mandarin, passed peacefully out of this world into the waiting arms of his Lord, Jesus Christ, on December 16, 2007. He was born on August 22, 1954, in San Diego to Alice & George Ray and was preceded in death by his Mother, whom he loved dearly. Robert, leaves to cherish his memory; his loving wife, Kim; his father, George; 5 children and 13 grandchildren: Son, Robert Jr. & Angie with Mollie, Cole, & Travis; Daughter, Sylvia Nguyen & Linh with Monique & Cecilia; Step-Children: Michael Giana & Kristi with Ashton & Noah; Blythe Giana & Jahnette with Andrew, Bailee, Gabriela, & Kendall; Farrah Collins & Jim with Kaitey & Lorna; Brothers: George Jr & Corrine; Andy & Gloria; Sisters: Debbie Aragon & Lou; Mary Scarborough & Chuck; Becca Shoemaker & Pat; and a multitude of nieces, nephews, and loving friends.
Robert held an Associate of Science in Computer Science from Mississippi College. He was also blessed with many other talents that he used throughout his life to help others... Whether he was fixing a computer, photographing a wedding, selling a car or room full of furniture, he did it with enthusiasm & passion. A memorial service to celebrate his life will be held on Sat. Dec 22 @ 1:00 pm at Harbor Baptist Church, 1120 Clay Street at US HWY 17, with Pastor Sam Jewell officiating.
Please sign the Guestbook @ Jacksonville.com.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Bobby's Last Day, December 16, 2007
I think I knew when I opened my eyes, on this morning, three years ago, in the ICU waiting room, I instinctively knew that the end was near. But what my mind knew and what my heart knew were two different things. My mind knew that frail, sick, worn out physical body couldn't last much longer. My heart desperately wanted to see a miracle. My mind knew that miracle was indeed unlikely. My heart did not want to know.
I was sitting beside Bobby, holding his hand, when his father, George, walked into the room. I was surprised to see him there so early in the morning. It was a little after 7:00 a.m. I guess he too may have sensed the inevitability of this day. He just wanted to quietly see his first born son, one last time, this side of Heaven's gate. I cannot imagine what it must have felt like for his father to watch his own son, so very close to death. I wonder what went on in his mind and with his heart.
As the day went by, family members were in and out of the room. Each came and stood by his bed. Sometimes words of "I love you" "I'm praying for you" were said. Mostly their faces just had tears streaming down their cheeks. I could tell it was going to be a very quiet room that day. Hearts were breaking.
I could not bear to think of Bobby's last hours being spent hearing silence. I believe with all my heart that he was aware of his surroundings. We couldn't tell that for sure by looking at him, hooked up to all those machines. He had not been able to speak a conscience word since the night he collapsed, earlier in the week. However, in those last days, I know he heard me. He gave me a physical sign. I am so thankful that God allowed me to know this. Bobby squeezed my hand, when I asked to him to "Squeeze my hand, if you can hear me." It was ever so slight, but I felt it. He did this several times with his fingers. He even got an eye blink communication going on with me. I cherish this and know I was privileged that God blessed me with this assurance of Bobby's awareness.
I read out loud to him all throughout the day. I had been doing this all week. I had brought a Max Lucado book, that had belonged to his mother and a week's worth of devotions, written by Dr. Charles Stanley about assurances of our salvation, up to the ICU room. Bobby loved listening to Dr. Stanley each week. Reading to him from the Bible and from some of his favorite Christian influences surely brought a sense of calmness and peacefulness to his last days and especially during his last hours on his last day. My heart knows this.
It was mid-afternoon. I looked up and there stood Pastor Sam Jewell. My sister, Gail had called him and asked him to come up to the hospital. I have known Pastor Jewell since 1985, when my family had moved to Green Cove Springs. I have precious memories of my dear family sitting in the church he pastored. My parents, my in-laws, aunt and uncle, my sister and her family, all at times, attended that church. Pastor Jewell has helped guide my family through several funerals, the most recent one being my father, George Beitel, four months previously. Bobby did not really know Pastor Jewell, except through his relationship with my Dad. As Pastor Jewell relayed to me that day, I discovered that he and Bobby had spoken several times, either at the hospital or at Life Care Center, while he was visiting my dad. They had even talked about fishing, one of Bobby's passions. Pastor Sam visited with us for a while and then he prayed with us. It was getting to be late Sunday afternoon and he had to leave to get ready for his Sunday evening service. He told me that he would have a special prayer for Bobby at church. I asked him if when the time came, would he please conduct the funeral. Even though Bobby and my church memberships were at Crown Point Baptist Church and Bobby loved Pastor Steve, at this painful moment, I wanted and probably needed the familiarity and comfort of Pastor Sam, as I had known him for 22 years. He said yes. For that, I am grateful. By the time, he had that prayer for Bobby at the 6:00 p.m. service, Bobby was already with Jesus.
The moment of death, when one passes from this life and into Heaven is a private, solitary moment. No one accompanies you. It is just you and Jesus. I began to silently and selfishly pray that no one else be in that ICU room at the moment Bobby slipped away to meet Jesus, except me.
God granted me that moment.
I heard several family members talk about going downstairs to get something to eat. It was a around 5:00 p.m. Conversation went back and forth about whether to just send a couple of people downstairs to bring food back up or whether to all go downstairs and eat in the cafeteria. They chose to all go. Less than a minute after they had all left the room, a nurse came in and told me this; "I've been watching his machines. I believe he only has about five minutes left. You crawl up in that bed with him, put your arms around him and tell him anything you want him to know. I'll call the family and let them know."
I did just that. I cradled Bobby in my arms. I held him close. I told him how much I loved him. I told him that I forgave him for the painful times. I told him that very soon, he would be with Jesus and that his precious mother would be waiting for him. I promised him that I would be okay, that his family and my family loved me and would be there for me. I told him he could stop fighting to hang on, that it was okay to let go. I kissed his lips.
The machines fell silent. Bobby was home, finally home.
No more pain, no more struggles,no more demons.
Just Bobby, at home in the presence of the Lord. The time was 5:17 p.m.
Bobby's greatest adventure had just begun.
Until that day when we meet again, I pray Bobby knows that he was "Always Loved And Will Never Be Forgotten."
I was sitting beside Bobby, holding his hand, when his father, George, walked into the room. I was surprised to see him there so early in the morning. It was a little after 7:00 a.m. I guess he too may have sensed the inevitability of this day. He just wanted to quietly see his first born son, one last time, this side of Heaven's gate. I cannot imagine what it must have felt like for his father to watch his own son, so very close to death. I wonder what went on in his mind and with his heart.
As the day went by, family members were in and out of the room. Each came and stood by his bed. Sometimes words of "I love you" "I'm praying for you" were said. Mostly their faces just had tears streaming down their cheeks. I could tell it was going to be a very quiet room that day. Hearts were breaking.
I could not bear to think of Bobby's last hours being spent hearing silence. I believe with all my heart that he was aware of his surroundings. We couldn't tell that for sure by looking at him, hooked up to all those machines. He had not been able to speak a conscience word since the night he collapsed, earlier in the week. However, in those last days, I know he heard me. He gave me a physical sign. I am so thankful that God allowed me to know this. Bobby squeezed my hand, when I asked to him to "Squeeze my hand, if you can hear me." It was ever so slight, but I felt it. He did this several times with his fingers. He even got an eye blink communication going on with me. I cherish this and know I was privileged that God blessed me with this assurance of Bobby's awareness.
I read out loud to him all throughout the day. I had been doing this all week. I had brought a Max Lucado book, that had belonged to his mother and a week's worth of devotions, written by Dr. Charles Stanley about assurances of our salvation, up to the ICU room. Bobby loved listening to Dr. Stanley each week. Reading to him from the Bible and from some of his favorite Christian influences surely brought a sense of calmness and peacefulness to his last days and especially during his last hours on his last day. My heart knows this.
It was mid-afternoon. I looked up and there stood Pastor Sam Jewell. My sister, Gail had called him and asked him to come up to the hospital. I have known Pastor Jewell since 1985, when my family had moved to Green Cove Springs. I have precious memories of my dear family sitting in the church he pastored. My parents, my in-laws, aunt and uncle, my sister and her family, all at times, attended that church. Pastor Jewell has helped guide my family through several funerals, the most recent one being my father, George Beitel, four months previously. Bobby did not really know Pastor Jewell, except through his relationship with my Dad. As Pastor Jewell relayed to me that day, I discovered that he and Bobby had spoken several times, either at the hospital or at Life Care Center, while he was visiting my dad. They had even talked about fishing, one of Bobby's passions. Pastor Sam visited with us for a while and then he prayed with us. It was getting to be late Sunday afternoon and he had to leave to get ready for his Sunday evening service. He told me that he would have a special prayer for Bobby at church. I asked him if when the time came, would he please conduct the funeral. Even though Bobby and my church memberships were at Crown Point Baptist Church and Bobby loved Pastor Steve, at this painful moment, I wanted and probably needed the familiarity and comfort of Pastor Sam, as I had known him for 22 years. He said yes. For that, I am grateful. By the time, he had that prayer for Bobby at the 6:00 p.m. service, Bobby was already with Jesus.
The moment of death, when one passes from this life and into Heaven is a private, solitary moment. No one accompanies you. It is just you and Jesus. I began to silently and selfishly pray that no one else be in that ICU room at the moment Bobby slipped away to meet Jesus, except me.
God granted me that moment.
I heard several family members talk about going downstairs to get something to eat. It was a around 5:00 p.m. Conversation went back and forth about whether to just send a couple of people downstairs to bring food back up or whether to all go downstairs and eat in the cafeteria. They chose to all go. Less than a minute after they had all left the room, a nurse came in and told me this; "I've been watching his machines. I believe he only has about five minutes left. You crawl up in that bed with him, put your arms around him and tell him anything you want him to know. I'll call the family and let them know."
I did just that. I cradled Bobby in my arms. I held him close. I told him how much I loved him. I told him that I forgave him for the painful times. I told him that very soon, he would be with Jesus and that his precious mother would be waiting for him. I promised him that I would be okay, that his family and my family loved me and would be there for me. I told him he could stop fighting to hang on, that it was okay to let go. I kissed his lips.
The machines fell silent. Bobby was home, finally home.
No more pain, no more struggles,no more demons.
Just Bobby, at home in the presence of the Lord. The time was 5:17 p.m.
Bobby's greatest adventure had just begun.
Until that day when we meet again, I pray Bobby knows that he was "Always Loved And Will Never Be Forgotten."
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Watching Bobby's Family Realize That The End Is Near - 12.14.07
No writings from three years ago to post.
The hours of this day, three years ago, were all spent in the ICU at St. Vincent's Hospital. I sat by Bobby's bed all day. I held his hand. I rubbed his face. I read to him some from some of his favorite authors and preachers.
The Doctors were coming in and out of the room, each giving their unique perspective on Bobby's failing health.
Family members were coming in and out of the room, each with faces showing their love for Bobby and also showing their deep concern as they begin to realize that he is not likely to recover.
That must have been a very difficult thing for them - his daughter, his son, his son-in-law, his daughter-in-law, his grandsons, his granddaughters, his sisters, his brothers, his sister-in-laws, his brother-in-laws, his nieces, his nephews and his cousins.
To realize that someone you love dearly is close to the end of their life, what do you say? I heard very few words except for lots of "I love you's" and "I'm praying for you's" Looking back, I can't help but know how comforting it must have been for Bobby to hear all those "I love you's" and "I'm praying for you's."
No doctor or nurse could tell me or convince me that Bobby did not know we were there. I choose to believe that he did know and he did hear each and every "I love you" and "I'm praying for you." I look forward to one day hearing his voice tell us "Yes! I heard you! I heard all of your 'I love you's and I'm praying for you's'. Your words meant so much to me. I wish I could have let you know."
The hours of this day, three years ago, were all spent in the ICU at St. Vincent's Hospital. I sat by Bobby's bed all day. I held his hand. I rubbed his face. I read to him some from some of his favorite authors and preachers.
The Doctors were coming in and out of the room, each giving their unique perspective on Bobby's failing health.
Family members were coming in and out of the room, each with faces showing their love for Bobby and also showing their deep concern as they begin to realize that he is not likely to recover.
That must have been a very difficult thing for them - his daughter, his son, his son-in-law, his daughter-in-law, his grandsons, his granddaughters, his sisters, his brothers, his sister-in-laws, his brother-in-laws, his nieces, his nephews and his cousins.
To realize that someone you love dearly is close to the end of their life, what do you say? I heard very few words except for lots of "I love you's" and "I'm praying for you's" Looking back, I can't help but know how comforting it must have been for Bobby to hear all those "I love you's" and "I'm praying for you's."
No doctor or nurse could tell me or convince me that Bobby did not know we were there. I choose to believe that he did know and he did hear each and every "I love you" and "I'm praying for you." I look forward to one day hearing his voice tell us "Yes! I heard you! I heard all of your 'I love you's and I'm praying for you's'. Your words meant so much to me. I wish I could have let you know."
Monday, December 13, 2010
Fourth Family Update on Bobby - 3 Years Ago, 12.12.10 at 2:05 a.m.
Dear Family,
I am having a time with this computer. I may or may not have just accidentally sent a partially completed email. I am learning disabled with this laptop!
Briefly, because it's after 2 AM...
Bobby is in St Vincent's hospital in ICU. Room # 3502 Unit # 3500 Pass code 9026
His condition is very serious/almost critical.
Love to all,
Kim
Phil 4:15
Robert Jr. is on his way from Atlanta this morning. I am so glad he is coming. It will mean so much to Bobby to see his son.
God bless you to each of Bobby's family who helped me with him. You are the best. I really appreciate the care that you each showed to me. Your kind, caring and genuine concern for me, helps me to be strong.
I am having a time with this computer. I may or may not have just accidentally sent a partially completed email. I am learning disabled with this laptop!
Briefly, because it's after 2 AM...
Bobby is in St Vincent's hospital in ICU. Room # 3502 Unit # 3500 Pass code 9026
His condition is very serious/almost critical.
Blood pressure upon arrival to ER was 60/40
and they haven't been able to stabilize it.
His breathing is very labored and in addition to the liver failure, his kidneys are not doing well. They estimate he has 30-40 lbs of fluid which needed to be drained. But they will not drain until he is stable. They say it is far too dangerous.
I asked Dr. Ramey if we were looking at only a few months left with him, he nodded and then said it could even be much sooner it they can't stabilize him soon.
please pray. It is so hard to watch him suffer.and they haven't been able to stabilize it.
His breathing is very labored and in addition to the liver failure, his kidneys are not doing well. They estimate he has 30-40 lbs of fluid which needed to be drained. But they will not drain until he is stable. They say it is far too dangerous.
I asked Dr. Ramey if we were looking at only a few months left with him, he nodded and then said it could even be much sooner it they can't stabilize him soon.
Love to all,
Kim
Phil 4:15
Robert Jr. is on his way from Atlanta this morning. I am so glad he is coming. It will mean so much to Bobby to see his son.
God bless you to each of Bobby's family who helped me with him. You are the best. I really appreciate the care that you each showed to me. Your kind, caring and genuine concern for me, helps me to be strong.
Realizing How Very Critically Ill Bobby Was 3 Years Ago, 12.12.10
Yesterday had been a very long day. Didn't sleep well the night before. Laid on my side, watching Bobby fitfully sleep, listening to his labored breathing, watching the rise and fall of his belly, swollen by the ascities. I put my hand on his head and gently rubbed it. I prayed to God about him and his frail health that seemed to be deteriorating way too quickly. I was not ready to lose him yet. In fact, Bobby and I had just had that "serious life and death conversation" a few days previously. He knew the end was approaching, but with his ever optimistic attitude, he tried to comfort me and assure me that he would be around for at least a couple more years. I knew differently. But at that point, on that night, I really thought we had a couple of more months with him. Little did I know that would be the last lucid serous conversation we would ever had...
Morning came and as I hurried to get ready for work and tried to get Bobby comfortable for the day, with everything he would need, it became apparent to me that something wasn't quite right with Bobby. His conversations didn't make sense. His mind was not right. Something had to be done. He had to be made to go to the doctor. I couldn't take any more excuses from him. But, I knew I would need help.
I called two people very close to him (daughter, Sylvia and sister, Mary) and asked if they could come sit with him. I couldn't leave him alone, but yet, I needed to go into my work and explain that I was going to need some time off to care for him. I also had to reach Bobby's doctor for immediate assistance with him.
While Mary & Sylvia were en route to our house, I drove on into work. My first call was to the doctor, where I spoke with Donna, Dr. Ramey's PA. She got very excited when I identified myself. Her voice was quite anxious. It seems she had been trying frantically to reach Bobby, because he had an appointment at their office that morning and had not showed up. His blood test results had come in and she said they were not good and that Dr. Ramey wanted to see him immediately. When I stated that I wasn't even aware of the appointment and how told her hard I had been trying to get him to the hospital over the past few days to have the fluid drained and that his mental state was quite odd, she put me on hold. A minute later, she returned to the phone with these words, "Go get him and take him straight to the Emergency Room at St. Vincent's Hospital. Dr. Ramey will meet you there later." She then told me the mental confusion was due to an excess of ammonia in his brain. And no matter how hard he fought me, I had to get him to the hospital right away. I told her that his daughter and sister were with him and they would help me.
I hung up the phone, lowered my head momentarily, to absorb all that was happening. Tears came and they flowed down my face. The sweet, kind people I worked with hugged me and told me to go. I remember mumbling something about not knowing when I would be back.
I had spoken to either Sylvia or Mary on the phone, while driving back home, to alert them that we needed to get him to the hospital, right away. I felt a little relief in knowing that they would be the ones to tell him he was going to the hospital. He did not want to go to the hospital and was surely going to resist any effort to make him go. I thought maybe he would give less grumbling about it to his daughter and sister than to me. I expected the three of them to be all ready, when I drove up. Not so. Upon asking how he handled the news of going to the hospital, they looked at each other and then sheepishly looked at me and said, "He doesn't know. We waited for you to tell him." (Thanks!)
As I would slide one slipper on his foot and reach for the other, he would kick off the one I had just put on. I put one arm into his bathrobe and before I could get the other arm ready, he had already taken the first arm out. Bobby was not going to make it physically easy to get him out the door. The walk from the house to the van door seemed like it would never end. Bobby could only take very small steps. We held him on each side and continued to make our way to the van. Arguing the whole way that he wasn't going to the hospital, we finally got him in the seat and buckled in.
At that point, I thought I was exhausted. If I had only known that I was just getting prepared to really learn the meaning of exhaustion over the next few days. And if I had only known, that would be the last car ride we would ever take together...
The Emergency Room visit was a blur. Getting Bobby settled to the point when he finally realized, he was at the hospital and he would be able to get some relief when the fluid was drained from his belly, he calmed down. Hours passed, we waited, more hours passed and we waited more. The blur of the ER visit ended for me abruptly, as I was told he was being transferred to a room. I am sure I mumbled something about when were they going to drain him and what room number was he going to. The nurse looked at me and realized no one must have been keeping me informed. She gently told me that it was far too dangerous to drain the fluid until his vital signs stabilized. His blood pressure was 60/40 when we arrived and he was not going to a regular room, the bed was in ICU.
We got Bobby moved into the ICU room. I looked up from my chair and Dr. Ramey walked into the room. He did not have to say a word. I knew, at that moment, from his grim face, that Bobby would likely not recover. I just didn't know how very short the time would be.
I spent the next few hours by his side. I talked to him. I held his hands. I touched his face. I tried to keep him calm, but he was agitated and was moving his arms way too much for all the tubes on him. It was all I could do to hold his arms down. The nurse indicated that since it looked like it was going to be a long night with him, that she was going to move her operation base into his room, so she would be right there with him, if he needed anything. It was around midnight. She also said I should go home and get some sleep. I resisted, but eventually she succeeded in convincing me to go home and get some rest.
I didn't want to leave the hospital. But I did. I kissed his lips, unsure if he even knew I had kissed him. I told him I loved him.and then I then left the hospital and drove home. How I wish I hadn't left the hospital late that night. If I had only known that Bobby was going to take a turn for the worse, shortly after I left.... I would never have left his side. Never, never...
But as I look back three years later, I believe perhaps God's guiding hand was at work, in orchestrating my leaving the hospital. Maybe God protected me from being there and seeing that moment when Bobby's vital signs went crazy and he had to be put on a respirator. It would have been a difficult thing to watch. How comforting to know how my Heavenly Father watched out for me and shielded me from witnessing a picture that would never have left my mind. That moment would have been forever frozen along with my pain and grief. Thank you God for your protection and your love for me. You are my sustain-er..
Morning came and as I hurried to get ready for work and tried to get Bobby comfortable for the day, with everything he would need, it became apparent to me that something wasn't quite right with Bobby. His conversations didn't make sense. His mind was not right. Something had to be done. He had to be made to go to the doctor. I couldn't take any more excuses from him. But, I knew I would need help.
I called two people very close to him (daughter, Sylvia and sister, Mary) and asked if they could come sit with him. I couldn't leave him alone, but yet, I needed to go into my work and explain that I was going to need some time off to care for him. I also had to reach Bobby's doctor for immediate assistance with him.
While Mary & Sylvia were en route to our house, I drove on into work. My first call was to the doctor, where I spoke with Donna, Dr. Ramey's PA. She got very excited when I identified myself. Her voice was quite anxious. It seems she had been trying frantically to reach Bobby, because he had an appointment at their office that morning and had not showed up. His blood test results had come in and she said they were not good and that Dr. Ramey wanted to see him immediately. When I stated that I wasn't even aware of the appointment and how told her hard I had been trying to get him to the hospital over the past few days to have the fluid drained and that his mental state was quite odd, she put me on hold. A minute later, she returned to the phone with these words, "Go get him and take him straight to the Emergency Room at St. Vincent's Hospital. Dr. Ramey will meet you there later." She then told me the mental confusion was due to an excess of ammonia in his brain. And no matter how hard he fought me, I had to get him to the hospital right away. I told her that his daughter and sister were with him and they would help me.
I hung up the phone, lowered my head momentarily, to absorb all that was happening. Tears came and they flowed down my face. The sweet, kind people I worked with hugged me and told me to go. I remember mumbling something about not knowing when I would be back.
I had spoken to either Sylvia or Mary on the phone, while driving back home, to alert them that we needed to get him to the hospital, right away. I felt a little relief in knowing that they would be the ones to tell him he was going to the hospital. He did not want to go to the hospital and was surely going to resist any effort to make him go. I thought maybe he would give less grumbling about it to his daughter and sister than to me. I expected the three of them to be all ready, when I drove up. Not so. Upon asking how he handled the news of going to the hospital, they looked at each other and then sheepishly looked at me and said, "He doesn't know. We waited for you to tell him." (Thanks!)
As I would slide one slipper on his foot and reach for the other, he would kick off the one I had just put on. I put one arm into his bathrobe and before I could get the other arm ready, he had already taken the first arm out. Bobby was not going to make it physically easy to get him out the door. The walk from the house to the van door seemed like it would never end. Bobby could only take very small steps. We held him on each side and continued to make our way to the van. Arguing the whole way that he wasn't going to the hospital, we finally got him in the seat and buckled in.
At that point, I thought I was exhausted. If I had only known that I was just getting prepared to really learn the meaning of exhaustion over the next few days. And if I had only known, that would be the last car ride we would ever take together...
The Emergency Room visit was a blur. Getting Bobby settled to the point when he finally realized, he was at the hospital and he would be able to get some relief when the fluid was drained from his belly, he calmed down. Hours passed, we waited, more hours passed and we waited more. The blur of the ER visit ended for me abruptly, as I was told he was being transferred to a room. I am sure I mumbled something about when were they going to drain him and what room number was he going to. The nurse looked at me and realized no one must have been keeping me informed. She gently told me that it was far too dangerous to drain the fluid until his vital signs stabilized. His blood pressure was 60/40 when we arrived and he was not going to a regular room, the bed was in ICU.
We got Bobby moved into the ICU room. I looked up from my chair and Dr. Ramey walked into the room. He did not have to say a word. I knew, at that moment, from his grim face, that Bobby would likely not recover. I just didn't know how very short the time would be.
I spent the next few hours by his side. I talked to him. I held his hands. I touched his face. I tried to keep him calm, but he was agitated and was moving his arms way too much for all the tubes on him. It was all I could do to hold his arms down. The nurse indicated that since it looked like it was going to be a long night with him, that she was going to move her operation base into his room, so she would be right there with him, if he needed anything. It was around midnight. She also said I should go home and get some sleep. I resisted, but eventually she succeeded in convincing me to go home and get some rest.
I didn't want to leave the hospital. But I did. I kissed his lips, unsure if he even knew I had kissed him. I told him I loved him.and then I then left the hospital and drove home. How I wish I hadn't left the hospital late that night. If I had only known that Bobby was going to take a turn for the worse, shortly after I left.... I would never have left his side. Never, never...
But as I look back three years later, I believe perhaps God's guiding hand was at work, in orchestrating my leaving the hospital. Maybe God protected me from being there and seeing that moment when Bobby's vital signs went crazy and he had to be put on a respirator. It would have been a difficult thing to watch. How comforting to know how my Heavenly Father watched out for me and shielded me from witnessing a picture that would never have left my mind. That moment would have been forever frozen along with my pain and grief. Thank you God for your protection and your love for me. You are my sustain-er..
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