Easter, 2008 - First Easter Since Bobby's Homegoing

March 23, 2008
 

My dear sweet Robert,

On this Easter Day, my first without you by my side, I am trying to find comfort in knowing that you are in the presence of Jesus himself. You are safely in the arms of our Heavenly Father. And now all the struggles you faced on this earth are gone. They are finished.

For that, I am grateful.

Today, even as I try to rejoice and celebrate Easter, I am filled with an incredible loneliness. But, I am reminded that Jesus himself faced an incredible loneliness when on the cross He cried out, "My God, My God why has thou forsaken me?"

I pray that I will find strength enough to endure this time of loneliness. It helps to know that one glorious day we will be reunited. Until that day comes, I will treasure the memory of your love for me. Always know that you were loved very much and nothing can ever take your place.

Love,
Kim
Phil 4:13

Fourth Month Anniversary of Bobby's Homegoing

April 16, 2008

My dear sweet Robert,

Four months have now passed since we lost you here on this earth and heaven welcomed you to your new glorious home. I try to imagine what you are experiencing, but I doubt I can hardly conceive what your eyes now see so clearly. It must be wonderful to have clarity where you used to have ambiguity. I remember our many talks about what we thought heaven would be like. We wondered which one of us would get there first. There is no wondering now. We know the answer. You won! ...and I lost. As time goes by, and because you meant so very much to me, I realize that I lost so much more than just a husband. I lost my best friend, my lover, my dance partner, my gardner, my mechanic, my computer genius and so much more.

I am slowly facing the reality of it all. But, I don't like it. I miss you so very much. Just to hear your voice or feel your touch one more time, how comforting and good that would be.

There are days, I feel like I am losing the battles I am fighting. There are so many things that need handling and I don't know how to deal with them all. The weight you left on my shoulders is very heavy. Some situations seem impossible. I feel so alone. You always were "the half-full glass" person when it came to looking at challenging issues and figuring out the best plan of action to solve the problem. And you always tried to show me that my "half-empty glass" way of seeing things didn't accomplish very much. How I wish I could have your glass in my hand now, as I try to sort through these important issues.

I pray God will surround and guide me as I walk down these unknown paths that lie ahead for me. Without His guidance, I know I will surely fail. But with Him, I have faith that I will find the strength to do most anything I need to.

Please remember to keep a place ready for me, when its my time. And please also know, that it is with great anticipation, that I wait for that glorious day. Until then...

I will keep your love for me wrapped tightly around my broken heart. And even though my heart is broken and I grieve each day you aren't by my side, I know you are in such a better place.

You Were Always Loved, And Will Never Be Forgotten.

Love,
Kim Ray
Phil 4:13