My Dear Sweet Robert,
On this day, one year ago, we held your Celebration of Life Service. Many family and friends came to help celebrate your life.
Here are the words I shared on that day about you and our life together:
''I believe that our lives can be divided into chapters, like in a book. There is a beginning and an end, with many chapters in between. Some lives have lots of chapters and some have only a few. We may wonder why God allows so many to one and so few to another. We just do not know the answer. As you read through a book and you move from chapter to chapter, the story becomes clearer and more focused, until when you reach that final page, you realize you now know the whole story. We now know how Bobby’s book ends.
In Bobby’s life most of the chapters were very good, but sadly, a few were not so good. But through them all a single thread was woven that showed his zest and his love for life. He had a unique personality and was definitely a one of a kind. In other words, when God created him, he made sure the mold broke. There will never be another Robert Nelson Ray Sr.
As I look out on all of you, his family, friends, co-workers, & neighbors, I want to thank each of you for him and from me, for choosing to be here today to celebrate his life and honor his memory. It means so very much to me.
Many of you in this room have known Bobby through all the chapters of his life. Some of you worked with him, some of you are his neighbors, and some of you are simply his friend or my friend. I was deeply touched at the way our next door neighbor, Nancy, described him, that night when I told her he had passed away. She got tears in her eyes, held me to comfort me and then said, “He’s my buddy”. She was very protective of him and I thank her dearly for watching out for him so many times when I was at work. And the Lord knows, sometimes he took a lot of looking after!
For me, I was privileged to know him and be his wife for the last seven years of his life. And while I may wish I could have shared many, many more years with him that was not to be. Robert spent the last six days of his life in an ICU room at St. Vincent’s hospital. I too, spent the last six days of his life there, right beside him or in the ICU family waiting room. During those difficult days, as family members came and went, a couple of his wonderful sisters stayed with me all through the nights, except the one night, Mary asked it was all right for her to leave for the night. She said she was real tired and really needed to sleep and that my snoring kept her awake.
She wasn’t telling me something I had never heard before! I told her to go home.
.
Bobby has five brothers and sisters. Siblings may grow up together in a home and be very close to each other when they are young, but as adults, leading separate lives, they often times grow apart; sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally. Mary heard bit & pieces of stories about her brother during those long nights at the hospital. She asked me to speak here today and share a little about our lives together. I wasn’t sure I could, but I took a moment & closed my eyes and pictured what it might feel like to stand here today & have Jesus holding one hand and God holding the other. And so, with Them holding me up, how can I not have the strength to do this?
First, I want his son Robert Jr. & daughter, Sylvia to know how very proud their Dad was of each of them. He spoke often of that. He believed that both of you have, in his words, “turned out pretty good in spite of having him as their Dad.” He was proud to be their father.
One of his greatest joys was being a grandfather to 13 precious children, 8 granddaughters and 5 grandsons. He was “Papa” to some and “Grandpa Robert” to others. No day was ever as good for him as a day when he got to spend time with one or more of them. He enjoyed doing silly things and making them laugh. He liked to play with them and make them feel special. In recent years, some of our families have moved away, making spending time together a challenge, but even with the distance, he always held each one of you in a special place in his heart and he loved each of you very much. I know you will miss your Papa & Grandpa Robert very much. I will too. It is okay to talk about him. Always know, you can talk to your Mom or Dad or me about him anytime.
In our neighborhood, the kids knew & loved “Mr. Robert”. He always had a new movie to give them or was asking what movie they wanted next. They enjoyed helping him work in the yard & do little chores for him that they probably wouldn’t do at their own home for their own parents. Children can be that way you know. I heard a knock on the door the other afternoon. Allison, one of our sweet neighbor girls brought me this paper and asked me “to please take it to where Mr. Robert is.” Well, Sweetie, I can’t quite do that. But I can read it and cherish it and believe with all my heart that he knows what you wrote and I know he was proud to be your friend, Allison.
Robert always worked long hours and days, so we never really got to take regular vacations. But we took lots of mini-vacations at the Disney Resorts. Most times we went to Orlando, but sometimes we went to Hilton Head or Vero Beach. On one trip to Vero Beach, we pulled our boat along and were enjoying some good fishing. He loved to fish. Never having fished until I married Robert, he had a lot to teach me. I recall him being more excited when I caught one than when he caught a fish. On this fishing adventure, I can recall I had hooked a pretty good size fish, but he was trying hard to get away. Wanting me to get the fish, Bobby guided the boat following the fish and the fish line. All of a sudden, he started yelling “Oh my gosh” I looked to one side of the boat and saw a large yacht headed our way. I looked to the other side and saw 2 other yachts headed our way. They all had horns a blasting. In the exuberance of following my big fish, he had guided our 16 ft aluminum boat right into the middle of the channel. Needless to say, he very quickly got us out of danger. He later told me he was really afraid I was going to get dumped off the front of the boat. And yes, I did lose the fish.
Bobby was such a romantic, like the year he gave me a little Hallmark Teddy Bear for Valentine’s Day. I thanked him and said how cute the bear was. He kept urging me to look closer until finally I noticed the bear was wearing diamond earrings, one on each ear. I’m not sure, but I think he might have borrowed that idea from his brother Andy. If so, thanks Andy. He had lots of fun doing that.
On another occasion, I was trying to be the romantic one. Some of you know this story, and I know I will never live it down. We were in Orlando & Robert had gone to the gift store and purchased a little Mickey Mouse memento for me. While he was gone, I filled the jaccuzzi with bubbles, and lit tea light candles all around and waited anxiously for him to return. He walked in the room, I leaned my head back slightly. He looked carefully at me, the bubbles, and the candles and said every so gently, “Kim, your hair is on fire” So much for that romantic moment…
Once he sent me flowers for no special reason except he wanted to tell me he loved me. Regular old flowers from a regular old florist wouldn’t do for him on that day. He chose to send me two dozen roses cut fresh and shipped the same day from South America. Each rose was encased with lacey netting to protect the delicate petals. After you got the net off, then you carefully peeled back each outside petal to reveal the beautiful, fragrant rose within. I’m quite certain that it probably took me a good hour (while working) to open each rose and arrange it in the vase. I laughed & called it “ My Interactive Flower Gift”
But, the best gift he gave me was himself. I recall our very first meeting. He was a salesman at Office Max. I needed help finding something and he was busy helping someone else. When he finally came over and asked me if he could help me, I answered, “I’ve been waiting quite a while for you to be free.” He answered, “I’ve been free for about 3 ½ years.” And here we are today.
Robert showed me how to love again. He also taught me a great deal about compromising and meeting in the middle on lots of issues. We were a lot like the “Odd Couple” for those of you old enough to remember the show. I was “Felix” and he was “Oscar”. Last year we discovered the TV show “Monk”. He recorded all the episodes for us to watch. We had many good laughs as he came to realize that Mr. Monk & I share a lot of similarities. He loved the show, because he said it helped him understand me and why I am the way I am about so many things!
He couldn’t get over the fact that I could tell him ahead of it happening, exactly what Mr. Monk was going to do. And then when it would happen, he would say “That’s what you said he would do” “How did you know?” I would proceed to explain in great detail why Mr. Monk had done it. He would just shake his head.
Speaking of my using great detail to explain most anything, Robert would often times say to me “Kim, just give me the Reader’s Digest version. I don’t need the whole story!” I would get the hint and shorten my story.
Robert loved politics. He loved his country and was truly concerned about its direction. He loved talk radio and we would watch Fox News every night. Never known as a shy guy, if we were eating out & there were TV tuned to CNN, he would politely complain to a manager and they always ended up changing it to Fox News. I think they thought it was easier to give in to him than listen to him explain why CNN was so bad for a conservative, southern city. He loved to spar with anyone who was of the opposite political party. Sometimes I would just close my eyes and think, “He didn’t just say what I thought I heard, did he? He was looking forward to being involved with the upcoming presidential election. I will carry that on for him. During the last presidential election, he got a kick out of locating cars with John Kerry bumper stickers. He would casually walk slowly by, and slap a George Bush sticker over it. He thought it was hilarious and said he’d like to see their faces when they realized they had been driving all around town advertising for the opposite candidate.
I am quite proud of turning him into a country music lover. I remember the first time I made him take me to a country concert, He said, “I can’t believe you got me to go to a country concert.” He actually enjoyed it and seemed a little remorseful that he was one of only a few, without a country hat on. I promised him, I would make sure the next time we went, he would be dressed appropriately. I got him boots, buckle, shirt & hat, “the whole country package”. One of his favorite concerts was a few years ago. We went to see Vince Gill & Amy Grant’s Christmas concert. It really put him in the Christmas spirit that year. I will cherish the memory of that night.
When he discovered I was quite movie deprived, he set out on a mission to get me to watch every movie I think he ever saw. I literally have hundreds of movies to watch, now, but without him by my side, but always with him in my heart. I will miss the way he loved to take my hand and lead me in a dance as the final song played during the movie credits. He was quite a good dancer and I could never keep up with him.
As this final chapter of Robert’s life has been written and come to its end, I find great comfort in knowing that Jesus was his Savior and He had a place already prepared for him in heaven. When it comes down to the one thing that really matters for all eternity, it is that when your time comes, you are sure your name is written in the Lamb’s Book of Life."
Always Know That You Were Always Loved And Will Never Be Forgotten.
Love,
Kim
Phil 4:13
On this day, one year ago, we held your Celebration of Life Service. Many family and friends came to help celebrate your life.
Here are the words I shared on that day about you and our life together:
''I believe that our lives can be divided into chapters, like in a book. There is a beginning and an end, with many chapters in between. Some lives have lots of chapters and some have only a few. We may wonder why God allows so many to one and so few to another. We just do not know the answer. As you read through a book and you move from chapter to chapter, the story becomes clearer and more focused, until when you reach that final page, you realize you now know the whole story. We now know how Bobby’s book ends.
In Bobby’s life most of the chapters were very good, but sadly, a few were not so good. But through them all a single thread was woven that showed his zest and his love for life. He had a unique personality and was definitely a one of a kind. In other words, when God created him, he made sure the mold broke. There will never be another Robert Nelson Ray Sr.
As I look out on all of you, his family, friends, co-workers, & neighbors, I want to thank each of you for him and from me, for choosing to be here today to celebrate his life and honor his memory. It means so very much to me.
Many of you in this room have known Bobby through all the chapters of his life. Some of you worked with him, some of you are his neighbors, and some of you are simply his friend or my friend. I was deeply touched at the way our next door neighbor, Nancy, described him, that night when I told her he had passed away. She got tears in her eyes, held me to comfort me and then said, “He’s my buddy”. She was very protective of him and I thank her dearly for watching out for him so many times when I was at work. And the Lord knows, sometimes he took a lot of looking after!
For me, I was privileged to know him and be his wife for the last seven years of his life. And while I may wish I could have shared many, many more years with him that was not to be. Robert spent the last six days of his life in an ICU room at St. Vincent’s hospital. I too, spent the last six days of his life there, right beside him or in the ICU family waiting room. During those difficult days, as family members came and went, a couple of his wonderful sisters stayed with me all through the nights, except the one night, Mary asked it was all right for her to leave for the night. She said she was real tired and really needed to sleep and that my snoring kept her awake.
She wasn’t telling me something I had never heard before! I told her to go home.
.
Bobby has five brothers and sisters. Siblings may grow up together in a home and be very close to each other when they are young, but as adults, leading separate lives, they often times grow apart; sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally. Mary heard bit & pieces of stories about her brother during those long nights at the hospital. She asked me to speak here today and share a little about our lives together. I wasn’t sure I could, but I took a moment & closed my eyes and pictured what it might feel like to stand here today & have Jesus holding one hand and God holding the other. And so, with Them holding me up, how can I not have the strength to do this?
First, I want his son Robert Jr. & daughter, Sylvia to know how very proud their Dad was of each of them. He spoke often of that. He believed that both of you have, in his words, “turned out pretty good in spite of having him as their Dad.” He was proud to be their father.
One of his greatest joys was being a grandfather to 13 precious children, 8 granddaughters and 5 grandsons. He was “Papa” to some and “Grandpa Robert” to others. No day was ever as good for him as a day when he got to spend time with one or more of them. He enjoyed doing silly things and making them laugh. He liked to play with them and make them feel special. In recent years, some of our families have moved away, making spending time together a challenge, but even with the distance, he always held each one of you in a special place in his heart and he loved each of you very much. I know you will miss your Papa & Grandpa Robert very much. I will too. It is okay to talk about him. Always know, you can talk to your Mom or Dad or me about him anytime.
In our neighborhood, the kids knew & loved “Mr. Robert”. He always had a new movie to give them or was asking what movie they wanted next. They enjoyed helping him work in the yard & do little chores for him that they probably wouldn’t do at their own home for their own parents. Children can be that way you know. I heard a knock on the door the other afternoon. Allison, one of our sweet neighbor girls brought me this paper and asked me “to please take it to where Mr. Robert is.” Well, Sweetie, I can’t quite do that. But I can read it and cherish it and believe with all my heart that he knows what you wrote and I know he was proud to be your friend, Allison.
Robert always worked long hours and days, so we never really got to take regular vacations. But we took lots of mini-vacations at the Disney Resorts. Most times we went to Orlando, but sometimes we went to Hilton Head or Vero Beach. On one trip to Vero Beach, we pulled our boat along and were enjoying some good fishing. He loved to fish. Never having fished until I married Robert, he had a lot to teach me. I recall him being more excited when I caught one than when he caught a fish. On this fishing adventure, I can recall I had hooked a pretty good size fish, but he was trying hard to get away. Wanting me to get the fish, Bobby guided the boat following the fish and the fish line. All of a sudden, he started yelling “Oh my gosh” I looked to one side of the boat and saw a large yacht headed our way. I looked to the other side and saw 2 other yachts headed our way. They all had horns a blasting. In the exuberance of following my big fish, he had guided our 16 ft aluminum boat right into the middle of the channel. Needless to say, he very quickly got us out of danger. He later told me he was really afraid I was going to get dumped off the front of the boat. And yes, I did lose the fish.
Bobby was such a romantic, like the year he gave me a little Hallmark Teddy Bear for Valentine’s Day. I thanked him and said how cute the bear was. He kept urging me to look closer until finally I noticed the bear was wearing diamond earrings, one on each ear. I’m not sure, but I think he might have borrowed that idea from his brother Andy. If so, thanks Andy. He had lots of fun doing that.
On another occasion, I was trying to be the romantic one. Some of you know this story, and I know I will never live it down. We were in Orlando & Robert had gone to the gift store and purchased a little Mickey Mouse memento for me. While he was gone, I filled the jaccuzzi with bubbles, and lit tea light candles all around and waited anxiously for him to return. He walked in the room, I leaned my head back slightly. He looked carefully at me, the bubbles, and the candles and said every so gently, “Kim, your hair is on fire” So much for that romantic moment…
Once he sent me flowers for no special reason except he wanted to tell me he loved me. Regular old flowers from a regular old florist wouldn’t do for him on that day. He chose to send me two dozen roses cut fresh and shipped the same day from South America. Each rose was encased with lacey netting to protect the delicate petals. After you got the net off, then you carefully peeled back each outside petal to reveal the beautiful, fragrant rose within. I’m quite certain that it probably took me a good hour (while working) to open each rose and arrange it in the vase. I laughed & called it “ My Interactive Flower Gift”
But, the best gift he gave me was himself. I recall our very first meeting. He was a salesman at Office Max. I needed help finding something and he was busy helping someone else. When he finally came over and asked me if he could help me, I answered, “I’ve been waiting quite a while for you to be free.” He answered, “I’ve been free for about 3 ½ years.” And here we are today.
Robert showed me how to love again. He also taught me a great deal about compromising and meeting in the middle on lots of issues. We were a lot like the “Odd Couple” for those of you old enough to remember the show. I was “Felix” and he was “Oscar”. Last year we discovered the TV show “Monk”. He recorded all the episodes for us to watch. We had many good laughs as he came to realize that Mr. Monk & I share a lot of similarities. He loved the show, because he said it helped him understand me and why I am the way I am about so many things!
He couldn’t get over the fact that I could tell him ahead of it happening, exactly what Mr. Monk was going to do. And then when it would happen, he would say “That’s what you said he would do” “How did you know?” I would proceed to explain in great detail why Mr. Monk had done it. He would just shake his head.
Speaking of my using great detail to explain most anything, Robert would often times say to me “Kim, just give me the Reader’s Digest version. I don’t need the whole story!” I would get the hint and shorten my story.
Robert loved politics. He loved his country and was truly concerned about its direction. He loved talk radio and we would watch Fox News every night. Never known as a shy guy, if we were eating out & there were TV tuned to CNN, he would politely complain to a manager and they always ended up changing it to Fox News. I think they thought it was easier to give in to him than listen to him explain why CNN was so bad for a conservative, southern city. He loved to spar with anyone who was of the opposite political party. Sometimes I would just close my eyes and think, “He didn’t just say what I thought I heard, did he? He was looking forward to being involved with the upcoming presidential election. I will carry that on for him. During the last presidential election, he got a kick out of locating cars with John Kerry bumper stickers. He would casually walk slowly by, and slap a George Bush sticker over it. He thought it was hilarious and said he’d like to see their faces when they realized they had been driving all around town advertising for the opposite candidate.
I am quite proud of turning him into a country music lover. I remember the first time I made him take me to a country concert, He said, “I can’t believe you got me to go to a country concert.” He actually enjoyed it and seemed a little remorseful that he was one of only a few, without a country hat on. I promised him, I would make sure the next time we went, he would be dressed appropriately. I got him boots, buckle, shirt & hat, “the whole country package”. One of his favorite concerts was a few years ago. We went to see Vince Gill & Amy Grant’s Christmas concert. It really put him in the Christmas spirit that year. I will cherish the memory of that night.
When he discovered I was quite movie deprived, he set out on a mission to get me to watch every movie I think he ever saw. I literally have hundreds of movies to watch, now, but without him by my side, but always with him in my heart. I will miss the way he loved to take my hand and lead me in a dance as the final song played during the movie credits. He was quite a good dancer and I could never keep up with him.
As this final chapter of Robert’s life has been written and come to its end, I find great comfort in knowing that Jesus was his Savior and He had a place already prepared for him in heaven. When it comes down to the one thing that really matters for all eternity, it is that when your time comes, you are sure your name is written in the Lamb’s Book of Life."
Always Know That You Were Always Loved And Will Never Be Forgotten.
Love,
Kim
Phil 4:13
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