Why "How I Said Goodbye"?

Losing someone you love is heartbreaking. One the day you lose your loved one, your own physical body becomes  almost like a stranger to you.  You feel a heaviness within yourself that is unimaginable. No one reading this will understand, unless they have themselves have felt the shearing pain of that heaviness.

Apart from that heaviness is a feeling of being in a fog. There is haziness in your perception of the reality you find yourself tossed into. You are somewhere that you don't want to be. And you can't get out. But, deep inside, you know that you are not alone in that fog. Not if you know and have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

Insulation and consolation are both to be found within that first hazy layer of fog. Our Heavenly Father knows that before we can begin to process our grief, we need to be insulated and consoled. 

Insulation protects whatever it is around. Consolation is a person or thing that is a source of comfort in a time of suffering or grief.    

Both of them come along side of us and say,  "I will give you comfort and solace. We will be here for you as long as you need us... as long as it takes."  Isn't our Heavenly Father wonderful? Psalm 34:17 reminds us that "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and he saves those whose spirits have been crushed."

Tomorrow, September 15, 2010, would have been our Tenth Wedding Anniversary. Robert died on December 16, 2007. 

During the first year after his death, I journaled on the 16th of every month.  I wrote of what it was like for me, as his widow, to keep on living month after month, without him by my side. I also journaled on each holiday and special occasion. I coped with my own emotional pain by envisioning what I thought He might be experiencing in Heaven. I slowly found that as the calendar moved forward, so to, did I.

This blog is going to be a gift to anyone who loved him and to anyone who is dealing with their own personal journey of loss, whether they knew Robert or not. I invite you to join me as I take my year long journal of healing and share it with you here, month by month, holiday by holiday.

I found great comfort in Jeremiah 29:11 "I have good plans for you," says the Lord. I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you.  I will give you hope and a good future." My prayer is that you will find comfort there, too.


And yes, the Lord did indeed give me that hope and good future.  By His hand and through His leading, in 2009, I married a wonderful man named Ken. Life is happy again.

I no longer live in that first fog of grief. Those days and months were indeed difficult, but I know God had purpose in each one of them.  Many, many days, I felt as if I were being tested. And I felt as if I were failing the test. But on those dark days, when I was at my lowest, He was at His Highest. He ALWAYS PROVIDED WHAT I NEEDED. ALWAYS.  GOD IS GOOD.