November 3, 2008
Today is not only Sylvia's birthday, but it is the day that I donated your suit to a program called "Suited 4 Success." It was a decision that I asked both Sylvia and Robert Jr. to join in making with me. I am so proud of each of their responses.
I hope they will not mind, I am choosing to include our communications about this here in this special place where we can come and write and share our deep feelings about you.
It represents a significant part of healing our grief.
This is the message I sent to them:
Good Morning Robert and Sylvia,
There is something I would appreciate you insight on. Not very long after your Dad's passing, I faced the emotional task of removing his clothes from our closet. I gently folded and put them in grocery size bags, carefully labeling the contents and size of each bag. I put the bags in the dining room behind the table. My plan had been to give them to the Vietnam Vets program. I had received a card in the mail that they were going to be in my area. When I realized that I had to leave them outside for someone to pick up while I was at work, I couldn't do it. To me, it felt like I would be putting his things "out for the trash", although I knew it wasn't. I let the date for calling them go by and his things stayed in the dining room.
I rarely go in that room and I guess in a wierd sort of way, I was comforted in knowing his clothes were nearby. When his birthday came, I came to the realization that, in keeping the bags of perfectly good clothes, I was preventing someone who was in need of the gift of receiving them. I knew that your Dad would have wanted me to make sure that others in need could have them.
So, on the Sunday after his birthday, I donated them to the Agape House of my church. It is a ministry that allows persons in the Middleburg area, who are in need, to come and shop for food and clothing, at no charge. I had heard they were in need of men's clothing, so I put "2 and 2 together" and realized that I was being selfish by not donating them.
On Saturday, I made the decision to take them to church on the next day. It wasn't easy to pick up the bags and load them into the back of the van. But I did. I arrived early on that Sunday morning and took two of the bags into the designated area of the church. As I sat them down, I realized that I was having a hard time breathing and I knew I was not going to be able to get them all inside by myself. There were many bags to carry and It was quite a distance from where I had to park. I went on into church and my niece, Sherri said she would help me after church.
She did and after a few trips back and forth, everything was in the room. As I stepped back and took one last look at his things, I was suddenly overcome with emotion and as I walked out I could not stop the tears. Sherri could see what a hard time I was having and she put her arm around me to help me walk to the car. As we walked, we went right by one of the church deacons named Ben. He immediately asked if he could help. I recall mumbling something about not knowing how hard it was going to be. Sherri explained what we had just done. He was so kind and put his arms around me, hugged me and then prayed a beautiful prayer for me and for each of the men who would ultimately benefit from the gift of your Dad's clothes.
I kept a few pieces of his things that i just couldn't part with. One of them is his suit. He only wore it twice, once to his Dad's wedding to Theresa and then to my Dad's funeral, just a few days before we found out that he, himself, was very ill.
He enjoyed telling me about how he used to wear three piece suits all the time. I would tell him that I bet he was very handsome! And from the smug grin on his face, I could tell he thought so too!
I've not known what to do with his suit. This morning, on our local news, I heard about a program called "Suited 4 Success". They collect "gently used" suits and help outfit a man who has been recently released from prison. The program not only gives them a suit, but helps them through the process of getting a job. It involves some counseling and training for job interviews and generally helps a man assimilate back into the community with a positive outlook. I felt right away that this is the right place to donate your Dad's suit.
I would appreciate your input on how you feel about me taking his suit there.
We all know how many times, your dad was prevented from getting a good job because of things in his past. It frustrated him greatly, but it was a reality we had to deal with. I think he would agree and be proud that his suit would help another man, who may have had similar issues as he did. He ALWAYS donated something to any program that was selling anything that had a goal of keeping kids off of drugs. It might have only been the change in his pocket or my purse, but he was faithful to give at least something. He felt passionately about that issue and we all know why.
I look forward to hearing back from each of you. I apologize for asking about this issue in an email. I don't mean or intend for this to be impersonal, but it would just have been too emotional to speak to each of you about it. I guess it is a self protecting thing.
My love to both of you,
Kim
Phil 4:13
Sylvia responded with this:
I really feel strongly to give the suit to Suited 4 Success. Because dad was one of those people who could not get a job due to his past. I even think if he was alive today he would do it. I can just see the smile on his face as you hand that Suit of love over to someone that would be blessed to have a second chance. That would really raise someone's self esteem because when they place that suit on they will feel important it just does something to a man, kind a like when a woman puts on a brand new pair of high heels on. Thumbs Up.
Love ya,
Sylvia
Robert Jr. responded with this:
Kim we are so proud of you to make such an unselfish decision. I am sure it is like a part of you feels like you are closing a door in a sad way. We are so grateful dad married a beautiful giving women. I think giving his suit to bless someone else is a wonderful idea. We support you and our grateful for you for handling all of dads things.
We are sorry that you have had to make such difficult, emotional and sad decisions. I hope you can find some comfort to know that we are grateful for what you have done. And that these tough & emotional decisions are being a blessing to many others. It sounds like God, our Father, has lead you to just the right places.
Dad,your love, will never be forgotten in our hearts. There will always be wonderful memories to cherish and share. We love you for who you are and thank you for giving me good memories to cherish with dad.
Robert Jr
And so my love, with the blessings of your children, your handsome gray suit has been donated to "Suited 4 Success."
Always Know That You Were Loved And Will Never Be Forgotten
Love,
Kim
Phil 4:13
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