Thanksgiving Day - 2008

November 27, 2008

My Dear Sweet Robert,

Today is Thanksgiving. It is the last of my “first holidays” to get through without you. Although each holiday has had the sadness of missing you, today’s holiday is probably the most bittersweet. That is because of last year’s Thanksgiving celebration. As it turns out, it was the last time we went out together. I cherish all the small moments of that day. 

You slept in, like usual! I don’t think I ever knew anyone, who liked to sleep as much as you, except, maybe your mother, Alice! Thinking of her, last month, October 30, was the anniversary of her death. I went to her graveside and stood there for a long while as I reflected on the many times I had stood there, by your side, in the past. You never said a word. Tears filled your eyes each time, as you remembered her, with such love. I don’t think you ever really got over her death. Last year, 2007, you drove yourself to the cemetery. You were supposed to wait for me to get home. But you didn’t. You went on by yourself. I’m not sure why you didn’t wait for me. When I arrived at the cemetery, you were standing there, alone, by her gravesite and tears were streaming down your face. All I could do was put my arms around you and hold you. And now, I wonder what it would have been like on that day, if either of us had known that in just 48 short days, you would be taken from us on earth, and you would once again be in the arms of your beloved mother, Alice, and then ushered, into the waiting arms of Jesus. For me, if I had known, I am sure I would have held you tighter and I would have most assuredly held you in my arms a lot longer.

Reflecting on the rest of our 2007 Thanksgiving Day, we went to two family dinners. First, we went to Sherri & Tim’s to celebrate the day at 1 pm and then on to Sylvia & Linh’s at 5 pm. Looking back, I am not sure how you found the energy to do both. You were very, very sick and yet somehow, you were so vibrant on this day. And what a good day it was. After all the goodbyes with my family, we drove to Sylvia’s where she had cooked her first Thanksgiving Day turkey dinner. She was so excited to have us coming to her special dinner. Under normal circumstances, you would never have eaten two complete Thanksgiving meals, but on this day you did. You really enjoyed yourself. I believe God blessed you with extra strength and energy for the day. He knew you would be leaving us very soon. 

The pictures Sylvia took on that day were the last ones taken of you. I treasure them, especially the one she took of you and me. Even though you are obviously sick, you are still smiling and I can see the sparkle in your eyes. I keep that picture in my Bible, a reminder of a very special day, a day full of love, for each other and for our families.

This year, Sylvia went to Alabama to be with her mom. She even invited me to go along with her. She is always so kind to me. I thanked her for the invitation. 

As I was preparing my green bean casserole, I could hear the traditional sounds of Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade playing on the TV in the background. For just a moment, I closed my eyes and imagined it was 2007, not 2008. It smelled the same and it sounded the same. But it wasn’t the same. Last year, I could have glanced over to your chair and seen you sitting there. Today, all I saw was an empty chair. I let the tears fall and didn’t even try to stop them. It was going to be so emotional going to dinner and sitting at that same table where I had sat with you last year. 

Once arriving at Sherri and Tim’s home, I focused on greeting everyone in my family. God is so gracious and wonderful to me. Once my eyes saw our newest granddaughter, Clara, it was if God used the blessing of this new precious life, to help me hide away the sadness, at the memory of your sickness and the loss of your life, a mere 25 days later. 

We started a new tradition in our family this year. Sherri had a spiral notebook and throughout our time together, each family member, took turns writing down what they were thankful for this year. As I did that, I began to think of the many things I have to be thankful for.

I am most thankful for a God who loves me so much that He has provided for my every need this year. Whether physical, emotional or financial, He always makes a way for me. When you were my husband, you were my provider. Being without you, as my provider, has allowed me to focus and depend more on Him. He always provides or makes a way for me, even when situations appear hopeless. I have received so many blessings, that I decided to begin a blessings basket. When something or someone blesses me, I write it down and drop it in my “Blessings Basket.” Then, when I am having a hard day, I can just reach in my basket and be reminded of a blessing I had on another day.

For you, my love, I imagine, everyday is Thanksgiving. The only difference is here we sit around a table and offer a prayer of Thanksgiving to God for what we have. Where you are, He sits at the head of your table and you can speak directly to Him. How amazing that must be! I look forward to joining you at that table one day. Until then…

Always Know That You Were Loved, And Will Never Be Forgotten.

Love Always,
Kim
Phil 4:13